My 5-year old daughter has been up my rear end begging for “Barbie in a Mermaid Tale” for three weeks straight. She asks for it when she is eating. She asks when she is brushing her teeth. She asks when she is going to bed. Just the words “Barbie in a Mermaid Tale” are like fingernails on a chalkboard. I gave her props for her relentlessness pursuit of this ridiculousness and decided to give in to the whining (Parent of the friggin’ YEAR over here).
After work today I went to Best Buy to return the headphones I got Mr. Appreciative for Father’s Day and instead of giving him the credit towards something he wanted I figured, “Screw him, he made me return it, I’ll buy the Barbie movie here.”
I looked down the kids’ aisle and saw ONE last Barbie in a Mermaid Tale on the shelf. I grabbed it like Indiana Jones grabbing some lost jewel and clutched it to my chest, triumphant. It was a “reasonable” $14.99. Not even Blu Ray, but whatever. If it was able to be played in the minivan (which now has a rattle and sounds like a truck from Sanford & Son due to my spare tire loosening AGAIN but I digress…thanks Boch Honda for screwing it back on properly you buffoons) I was happy. Ashley would be happy. Sydney could zone out to her DS and I would have some semblance of peace while jamming to my ’80’s station on XM Radio.
I charged the movie and called Kevin as I was about halfway home. “Hey, I hope you didn’t get Barbie in a Mermaid Tale for Ash yet.”
“I was about to order it off Amazon. It’s on sale for $9.99. How much did you pay?”
“$14.99. Do you have to spend money on shipping for it?”
“No, I have to order Sydney’s Mario thing so I got the super shipper saving thing. Go return that one.”
Dammit!! Kevin and his “just go back to Best Buy” mentality. Screw him. I wanted to make Ash happy TODAY! Well, really, I just wanted to stop the freaking WHINING. So I grabbed my receipt and called Best Buy.
“Best Buy, can I help you?”
“Yes, I was wondering if you do price match with Amazon?”
“Well, it’s on a case by case basis.” What the freaking hell does THAT mean?
“Um, well, I am a case right here.” Truer words were never spoken. I then turn on the “sweet voice” . The “sweet voice” always works when I am trying to finagle a deal. Ask my friends. They will tell you how my “sweet voice” works.
“I just bought Barbie in a Mermaid Tale on DVD and my husband told me it’s $9.99 on Amazon and I just spent $14.99 at your store so I was wondering if you could do a price match for me. I would SO appreciate it since I wouldn’t have to come back to the store and I could give my sweet little daughter (cough) her DVD today instead of having to wait for it.”
Silence. “Hold on, ma’am.”
I am subjected to three minutes of ear-piercing hold music and finally Mr. Sensitive gets back on the phone. “My supervisor says no. Sorry.” I am STUNNED. I ALWAYS get what I want when talking in my sweet voice. Well, except with Kevin. He is immune to the sweet voice. That’s why my negotiating tactics with him always have to revert back to sexual favors. (See my blog about how I became a prostitute)
I call the store back and get the same dude. I disguise my voice in a British accent so I don’t get busted by same dude. I ask for the manager on duty. Same dude wants to know what this is in reference to. I cannot do the British accent and sweet voice at the same time. Also my fake British accent is now not working well because I am flustered. I deMAHND that I speak with the manager regarding an INCIDENT that RECENTLY OCCURRED. I am now starting to sound like I have had too many ales at the pub and have become belligerent.
The manager gets on the phone and I say, “Good day, good sir.”
REALLY? Well, there’s nothing I can do now. I have backed myself into a British corner. I am officially an idiot. “I have spent many thousands of dollars at your store over the past several years and I cannot beLIEVE that you would lose my business over five dollars.” I explain what just happened in my now less-convincing accent but he agreed to credit me the $5 if I brought the receipt in. I ask him if I can use his name to get the credit and he said that was fine if he wasn’t there. I asked for his schedule so that I could completely avoid him at all costs due to the fact that I would have to do the accent in the store this time.
Mission accomplished. HA! I am a LEGEND. I have successfully shaved $5 off the price and I have now discovered if “sweet voice” does not work then “drunk Brit” will have to come into play.
I sweep grandly into the house with the movie behind my back. I tell Ashley I have the BEST surprise for her. She claps her hands together with glee and holds out her hands and I place the movie in them. Her face is blank. “What is this?”
“Sweetie, it’s what you wanted! Barbie in a Mermaid Tale!”
Kevin looks at me. “Dude, she wanted the doll, not the movie. The doll was $9.99 on Amazon.”
Ashley can tell I am dumbfounded. “That’s okay mommy, the movie is good too. It probably has instructions on how to play with the doll!”
Kevin hands me the movie. “Looks like you’re going back to Best Buy.”